Pool test: check!
Pads in freezer: check!
Plastic bed sheet (a.k.a. shower curtain liner): check!
Prunes supply: check!
What the heck am I preparing for? Why, OBVIOUSLY a birth....
So at three days past my estimated “due” date, while I’m sitting like a chicken on her egg waiting for a hatch, I’ve come to realize a few things about my journey so far. I feel like I've learned a ton about a topic I knew little about 9 months ago, and that perhaps I’ve picked up a few tips and tricks along the way, some worth sharing. I don't want to sound like a know-it-all or that I'm pushing my ideas on anyone so I've written this as a letter to myself, kinda like 'If I knew then what I know now' if that makes sense. Anyways, the following is a letter I would give to myself 9 months ago... so confusing. Just read. If you want.
Dear Martyna,
Congratulations!!! You are expecting a baby! What a blessing, what a miracle. You must feel SO excited/nervous. You’ve dreamt of this moment since you were little, and now it’s happening! A fairytale dream come true. I bet you’re already thinking of nursery colors, matching outfits, picnics, adventures, family vacations, school lunches, milestones, and what this person you’ve created will be like.
HOLD IT! I understand your excitement but you still have a whole freaking NINE months to get there! You still have to figure out how this baby’s coming out! Have you seen the size of a newborn's head recently? And have you taken a look at the size of your vagina lately? Don’t think there isn't boat loads of physical and emotional preparation to be had! You still have to think about how you’re going balance school/work/nausea! You still have to think about how you’re going to do this in a city where you don’t have family or even friends yet. Please read and re-read the following advice, Martyna. It’s going to save you a lot of time, tears, and troubles if you truly listen to it.
Advice #1, The Only One: Have no expectations! None.
You see, Martyna, though you may or may not realize it now, you have a lot of preconceived notions about pregnancy. You don’t know how or why some of these have come to exist for you, but trust me they are there. As quick as they surface, they will shock you. You'll see.
You thought that when the nurse handed you the baby manual and said, “congratulations” that within that manual you’d find the answers to many of your questions. You also thought the manual your mom sent would do that. And the one your soul mom sent. And the one your baby daddy’s daddy gave you. And the one you picked out from.... you get the picture. Please let this expectation go.
You think that because you are pregnant, all the mama’s you know are going to swarm around you like cushiony support offering their advice and sharing their experiences. You think they will teach, inspire, and show you the ropes because surely that’s what is supposed to happen. Wake up. We live in Canada. So many T.A.S. (Tight Ass Syndrome) sufferers reside here. Please let this expectation go.
You think you are going to weed through all the library books in town, find the ultimate ones, and that by the time baby comes you will be a well-rounded expert. You think that because surely by now there has to exist an encyclopedia of sorts that resonates with your ideas and surely it will cover everything. You think you’ll find it, read it, and have all your bases covered, from breastfeeding to vaccines. You secretly think you yourself will turn into a human child birth encyclopedia. Please let this expectation go.
You think you are going to be the same ‘you’, just with a bigger belly. You think you’ll be able to function normally as you have been, will continue your classes and doing everything just as you’ve been doing and that you will just be a cuter, more ‘glowing’ version of yourself with big boobs. Please let this expectation go. Except for the boobs.
My dear, naive Martyna, I have to burst your bubble. The only thing you can/should expect from here on in... is to have your mind blown. You can expect to change in absolutely every single way possible. There are going to be thoughts, curiosities and worries that are going to surface from... who the hell knows where for you. You are going to start analyzing and over-analyzing details of yours and other people’s childhoods while you try to pick out exactly what the parents did right/wrong. But somewhere along this path of trying to prepare, you are going to realize two amazing things.
- You ALREADY have access to the best pregnancy resource ever: your intuition. Or your gut. Or your spidey senses. When you read or hear advice, your own little radar goes off and lets you know what feels right and what doesn’t. Don’t doubt the validity of that!
- There is no right or wrong way to do anything, only YOUR way. I.e. What works or doesn't work for you is the only thing that matters. Once you realize and accept the fact that your expectations are very different from reality, please acknowledge it and smile big, know that something better is going to happen. You are going to develop an unshakeable confidence in your decisions and choices. Those little aforementioned radars that are going to surface will all have medical, scientific blah blah blah evidence behind them... but so will your intuitions! And that’s butt loads better than anything anyone can tell/give you!
You are going to get really passionate about a lot of taboo topics. You are going to want to share the exciting information with everyone because you will assume that they will find it fascinating too. But at first you will second guess yourself, you will wonder , ‘ who is going to care about this stuff other than preggo’s?? Am I just going to offend/gross people out?’
Don’t spend too much time worrying or even caring about that though. Because finally one day when everything you’ve learned sinks into your core, gives you a high-five and a huge bear hug, you will feel so empowered and liberated that your previous worries of being judged will completely dissipate. And then you’ll turn off your filter (not that you ever really had a huge one) and write a blog. And within a week when you get over a thousand hits and only positive feedback, you’ll realize that your intuition was right. People DO want to hear about the untold. This will humble you to the moon and back. Because, just like you, unless they’ve been there, they probably don’t know some of the awesome and confusing things that come up during pregnancy. Like freezing menstrual pads, pro-poop prunes , or plastic bed sheets for birth, just to name a few. And, just like you, they probably have expectations that may or may not be met in the future. And maybe reading about how some of your bubbles were popped will lessen the impact of their own. Or, maybe, just like you, they will experience the challenge of distinguishing what exactly is the difference between your waters breaking vs. peeing your pants while taking off your rain boots. And then hearing that you faced this dilemma will make them feel less crazy if/when they do.
And that’s really the gist of it. I could ramble on about the amazing benefits of prenatal yoga, eating greens till you turn green, workshops to take, articles to read, videos to watch, etc. But I truly know from my own journey that if you erase your expectations, trust your intuition, and do what feels right, you will have absolutely no regrets. It sounds simple, and it is... once you get it. Good luck!
Love,
You in 9 months
