Tight asses.

Most common questions I’ve been asked during my pregnancy:

1. When are you due?
2. Do you know what you’re having?
3. Have you picked a name?
4. Have you had any cravings?
5. Are you and James going to get married now?

Don’t get me wrong, these are interesting enough questions, but after being asked the same thing a million times I can’t help but wonder if the questions people are asking are their genuine curiosities, or are they just what have been deemed socially appropriate in this culture. It’s like people are reading a script instead of looking inward and letting themselves ask what they truly want to know. 

The more I immerse myself into the prenatal world through research (mostly from inspiring people and less from books), the more I realize there is a huge lack of openness in Canada when it comes to the topic of pregnancy. The following is definitely more opinion then fact, but I personally think this is total crap!

Unless you live in a desolate island away from all mammals, chances are you have, and will, encounter a woman preparing for labour at some point, if not many times. How could you not have questions? Initially, I thought my genuine curiosity and quickly evolving passion was biased. I thought, ‘ I must be obsessively interested in the nitty gritty details because, well, I’m going through this right now’. But then something happened after an amazing prenatal workshop I attended with my baby daddy, where my aforementioned suspicions of society’s ridiculous pressure to keep the interesting questions tabu were affirmed. A fire seemed to be lit right under my bum that all of a sudden gave me major motivation to challenge our nation’s *tight asses.

*Tight ass- the result of being encouraged to move through life both physically and metaphorically like a robot. Pelvic floor physiotherapists see them all the time in Canada, and in particular it’s women who suffer from the condition because we have been brainwashed to think that to hold things in is normal. As my prenatal yoga instructor would say “ it is not enough to practice keggels each day. You must practice releasing your anal sphincters by practicing ‘horse lips’ if you want to refrain from existing as a tight ass”. She often teaches about the connection between tight ass syndrome and mental and sexual health. I seriously love her. 

Anyways, the amount of pregnancy topics I want to share with everyone I know right now is so vast, that I’d have to write an entire novel. But just to spark your imagination, I’ve put together a list of questions that I wish women felt comfortable asking. Maybe if I offer these to you, it will encourage you to ask your own questions that come up. Although I caution: just because I am totally comfortable and excited to share my journey candidly and honestly with you, this does not mean other women may be. Though this makes me sad for the women that are tight-lipped, and for you for being deprived of fascinating knowledge, I am at least happy to hopefully offer another perspective. 

Some questions I wish people felt comfortable asking: 

1. Emotionally, what have been your biggest lessons and challenges throughout the past months with the ever-fluctuating influence of hormones?
2. Are there any physical changes that you weren’t expecting that have surprised you and/or your partner?
3. How has your relationship with baby daddy changed? In what ways were there challenges, in what ways has there been growth?
4. Why are you wanting a home birth? Why wouldn’t you want to give birth at a hospital like everyone else you know who has had children?
5. What subjects in particular would you consider a must for doing your own extensive research on?
6. What fears have come up throughout your pregnancy that you wouldn’t otherwise experience?
7. What has been the best advice you’ve been given amongst all the advice that has been offered? 
8. What do you wish people didn’t say to you?
9. What would you consider to be great ways to support a pregnant friend/family member throughout their journey?
10. If you had a magic wand and could change something from the experience, what would you change? What will you treasure forever?

Those are some that come to mind. Again, all very broad topics but perhaps I’ll force some of you to give me some feedback on which ones you’d think would be worth reading about. Maybe none, maybe all. My goal is to offer some insight on things that you guys are curious about. And my dream, well, for all the tight asses in our society to let go and speak freely about this very natural, normal, beautiful part of life!

Happy Horse Lips,

Martyna